I had passionate sex with a woman at uni 15 years ago – I think I fathered her son
DEAR DEIDRE:BACK in the Noughties I had passionate sex one night with a woman at university. I wanted more but she got back with her ex and soon afterwards I learned she was pregnant.
Although we have never spoken about the chance the child could be mine, we have stayed in contact.
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Now her 15-year-old son and my boy, who is 14, play for the same football team and are even going on tour together.
I can’t stop wondering if I’m watching two of my children playing.
I’m 36 and my wife’s 33. She knows all about what happened and says she will support me with whatever I decide.
Back at uni this woman and I were part of the same social group and one night she ended up back at my flat after a party.
I heard her and other friends come in but I’d already gone to bed.
Later on she crept into my room and climbed into bed beside me.
She started kissing me and I responded. We ended up having sex and she spent the night with me.
The next morning she told me she had broken up with her boyfriend. I hoped we could make a proper go of it, but about a week later I heard they had got back together.
I was gutted. Hearing from a mutual friend that she was pregnant completely floored me. Fast forward to today and I am a happily married father of three.
The woman from my past went on to have one more child and is now divorcing her husband — the same boyfriend she had from university.
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We have always kept in touch over the years, as friends, but what happened that night has never come up.
I’d love to know if this boy is actually mine or not, but it’s such a delicate situation.
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DEIDRE SAYS: She might have got pregnant from having sex with you once but it’s more likely it is her boyfriend’s boy. You need to think carefully about whether to get in touch to try to find out for sure whether you are the father.
Be clear in your own mind what you are hoping for.
The only way to settle paternity for certain is through DNA testing. It is important to think about what you’ll do if the result isn’t what you expect or want.
Think about counselling first, to sort out whether paternity testing is the right thing to do.
My support pack How Counselling Helps explains more, and you can get advice on DNA testing from Cellmark (cellmark.co.uk, 08000 362 522).
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