‘Sex-mad lover has gone off the boil now I feel like his dirty, discarded pants’
My boyfriend has suddenly stopped wanting sex with me. What’s going on?
We used to be sexually active morning and night, virtually seven days a week. It wasn’t unheard of for us to strip naked and have lunchtime quickies too.
He used to say that I was the only reason he bothered working so hard.
Now I feel like his dirty pants – dumped and discarded.
I can’t think of a single thing that has changed. We haven’t rowed, we don’t have money worries and no-one has died.
We’ve both worked from home for three years and our jobs are just the same.
The last time we fell into each other’s arms was on his birthday. I love cooking and had produced a special meal. We ate, laughed and drank and then went up for an early night.
I surprised him by nipping into the bathroom and emerging in a red lace bra and panties set with matching high heels. His eyes were out on stalks.
Let’s just say that he was left with a very big smile on his face.
But the next morning he was up and dressed before I’d woken, which was odd.
That night he complained of a headache, the next day he had a stomach pain. After that he stopped making excuses.
Lying next to him is torture. I don’t think that either of us are actually sleeping much but we’re not talking either. It’s as if he’s had a complete personality change overnight.
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JANE SAYS: I have to believe that something in your partner’s life has changed for him to be acting so strangely.
It’s possible that he’s feeling ill or is hiding a shameful secret (such as a gambling debt) from you. Maybe he’s worried about his parents or his job isn’t as safe and
secure as you think.
Just because nothing is obvious doesn’t mean that there aren’t dramas going on behind the scenes.
You have to start communicating. He needs to know that you have to hear the whole truth, no matter how awkward or embarrassing that might be.
Point out that you and he are in this relationship together – for the good and the bad times.
You care about him so much but can only begin to help and support once you’re in full command of the facts.Tell him that you won’t be shocked or disgusted because life at the moment is tolerable. It’s breaking your heart seeing the man you love laid so low.
Plus you’re missing the sex and excitement. Sadly, if he really won’t open up to you, then do you need to spend some time apart? Has being cooped up together for years taken too much of a toll on your relationship?
When it is safe to do so, you might think about giving yourself a mental and physical health break.
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